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Wednesday, 27 March 2013

Moments of Aargh (part 782) or How to Kill a Mouse (PC, go away PETA))

I haven't had a serious "tech hates me" moment for a while. This week has made up for it in a serious of short, sharp electro-static shocks on everything. 

And by everything, I mean EVERYTHING.

It's a standing joke on our team that I can't touch my manager's desk (laminate; no metal surfaces) without having my fingertips fried, but this week stepped it up a notch.

So far, the tally is:

Elevator door x 1
iphone x 1
PC Monitor x 2
Kitchen sink tap x 5 (I now tap the counter before I touch the nozzle of doom in the office kitchen)
Lavatory flush handle x 1 (Seriously, universe? That one wasn't funny)
Desk surface x 2
Colleagues x 2
Mouse x 1. But that was the really impressive one.

I came back from lunch, sat down, and grabbed my mouse - and promptly yelped loud enough to have heads turning from across the office. The team mate standing next to me had wide eyes, she'd heard the discharge. And my mouse was dead.

I unplugged it. Plugged it in again. No little red light. No movement on screen.

Me: *Assorted naughty words*
Team mate: Are you serious? You just electrocuted your mouse? (Technically, the mouse tried to electrocute me. Karma hurts like that.)

Eventually I found an unused port and tried the mouse on that side, and it worked. The port it was plugged into initially appears to have gone the way of the dodo. 

I'm not sure if it's more or less impressive that a static shock fried the port itself, and left the mouse working. Judging by the looks on the IT guys faces, (weary resignation from the ones that know my effect on tech, stunned horror on the new boy who hasn't had to deal with any Janet-caused issues yet) I'm going for more.**

Twenty minutes later, my team mate had his PC freeze on him. I wiggled my fingers at his screen and said: "Work. Or I'll touch you." 
At which point it promptly started the page scrolling once more. Since I was kidding around, and didn't actually expect the Voice Of Doom to work, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. (Team mate laughed so hard he nearly choked.)
This does, however, bear out my theory that yes, tech is sentient. And it bloody hates me.

**I've also been banned from touching anything expensive and electrical, and threatened with Dire Consequences if I touch personal electronics. At this point, I can't blame them.