Today's blog: an update from the toilet story.
This is currently my go-to WIP when I need to put a smile on my face; hopefully it does the same for you.
In other news : one visit to Leicester last week. No pigeons were sighted. I did end up with a bee trying to cuddle me fifteen minutes into the training session. Since lighting does amazing things, the only thing my audience was aware of was me breaking off in the middle of a sentence and squawking while doing an apparently awesome impression of a miniature windmill. *sigh*.
I head to the Migraine Clinic next week Saturday, and I'm hoping for a small miracle, or something that will reduce the frequency of these things. Currently I'm getting two or three attacks a week, and it isn't fun. I would like to be able to function like a normal human again. Crossing fingers, toes, and everything else.
The letter came that Friday. The envelope was a standard A4 size, off-white affair buried under about fifty dollars worth of postage stamps, with their address and "McKinney Family" written in an elegant copperplate hand.Jason opened the envelope at the breakfast table, and read the letter that slid out aloud to his family.
First, please accept our sincere apologies for the lateness of this communication. Your post office has returned our original missive three times, once via the Siberian outback, once for insufficient postage, and once through a time-warp continuum that meant it arrived approximately three centuries ago.
1) Minimum of two-ply toilet roll. Quilted is appreciated, but not mandatory.
2) A permanent button will be installed in the room concerned. This will require a visit by workmen, but will be kept as short as possible.
3) Any air freshener except rose, which a number of our members are highly allergic to.
4) The Saviour family agrees to refrain from any acts of violence, including but not limited to the use of: sharp instruments, blunt objects, kittens, chainsaws, projectile weapons and corrosive liquids.
5) Upon acceptance, the yearly stipend will be transferred to your bank.
6) The Saviour family is entitled to two (2) holiday periods of two (2) weeks per time during the course of the year. Please notify it advance by handing a letter to a guest no less than three (3) weeks prior to planned vacation.
7) The Saviour family is requested to refrain from using the unusual appearance of most of our members to scare or intimidate in-laws, mis-behaving children, surly UPS delivery men, any agent of the IRS or postal service, and the cable-guy. Bankers, telephone marketers and GM company CEOs are welcome, and may be offered as a friendly snack. (Please use only non-synthetic bindings due to delicate digestive systems.)("Do they say anything about hall monitors?"
"What about -"
"We are not feeding anyone to anything."
"Kids, don't eye-roll your father.")
'If you are willing to accept this, please hand this missive to your next guest, and the installation will be arranged.
The Federated Alliance of Rare Things.'