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Wednesday, 14 August 2013

Face-punching Tuesday (Right up there in moments of WTF)

Every so often I reach new levels of WTF (At the moment I'm averaging one a week), and I have to take a couple of days to process what I just did to myself.

Take Tuesday. Wednesday has gone by as a (relatively) normal day. We've moved the strange day of the week to Tuesday.

I managed to start this particular Tuesday off by punching myself in the face. In my sleep.

That bears repeating: I was asleep.

One moment I was in happy dreamland, tanning on a really nice beach. There was sun. There was golden sand, and the gentle lapping of waves. I WAS A SIZE FRIGGING EIGHT. This was a nice dream, ok?

And then my body punched itself in the mouth.

There was no warning. No sudden giant wave, no jellyfish pitching up and giving me attitude, no ominous dark fin in the water. 

One moment I was blissed out, the next, I was blinking in a daze at my ceiling, wandering what the hell I'd just done that for.

A few minutes later my alarm went off. I restrained myself from throwing it across the room, probably because it hurt too much to move fast at this point, and lurched down to the bathroom.

I'd split my lip, and facial cuts… well, they bleed a lot. From the base of my nose to my chin, I looked like an escapee from a bad horror movie. My knuckle was swelling. 

I rinsed my face and grabbed ice, and spent the next hour alternating between numbing my lip and my hand. I also *sigh* texted my boss, who might be up for sainthood at this point, to tell him I'd be late.  

The headache lasted until around four that afternoon, my lip hurts when I eat or drink, and my knuckle is still slightly swollen. I can safely say I pack one hell of a punch.

I'm also very, very grateful I got my mouth and not my nose or eye, because I think there would have been a lot more damage.

I'm hoping this closes Tuesday off for strange days, because I don't want to have anything top that. This makes the dwarf episode look positively normal.