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Thursday, 28 May 2015

What To Teach Your Daughters

1) Nobody else has jurisdiction over her body 

She decides when or if she can have sex. The thing here is to educate her properly, and not the equivalent of what I received, which could be condensed down to "OMFG if you have sex with a boy you will like, explode. Or die. Or something. It's bad. Don't do it."  Kids aren't stupid. Teenagers have a lock-in on anything adults try to prevent them from doing, especially when said adults are doing the same damn thing on a regular basis.

Rampaging hormones and abstinence are not a good mix.  The result of the sex education we got in school was three pregnancies in the same year, thanks to myths like "you can't get pregnant if you're standing up," and the inability to understand how condoms work.

Teach her about the possible repercussions, tell her about birth control, and most importantly, teach her that she can say no. If you've never taught your child that she has that option, what do you think happens when the boy she loves tells her she has to do it?

2) Nobody else has jurisdiction over her body (this includes you)

The whole issue of virginity pledging is so creepy I don't really want to touch it, but here goes: you are dressing a girl up in something that looks like a wedding dress and pledging her to her father. This is the guy who probably changed her diapers and watched her learn how to walk, and now you are making her promise him that she won't have sex because he's the most important man in her life.

She decides whether she likes boys or girls, both or none. It is none of your business who she bumps uglies with as an adult, or whether she does this at all. It isn't your vagina.

Later on, she decides whether or not to have kids. This is not a parental decision, because she is not a stuffed toy with no autonomy.  If you want to decide on whether something breeds or not, get some pet fish. I understand the yearning for grandkids; I've watched in my own folks. But it's her choice, and again - it isn't your vagina involved.

The interest some parents seem to have in what their grown or over-age teenage children do with their genitalia is fucking disturbing. Stop it.

3) Nobody else has jurisdiction over her body and nobody has the right to shame her for it

Females come in all shapes and sizes. Some of us are tall, some of us need to stand on a stool to reach the kitchen cupboard. Skinny, average, plump, fat. Drop-dead gorgeous, kinda plain, somewhere in the middle. Sporty, geeky, ripped - just like guys.

You know what we don't have in common with guys? We usually don't like our bodies that much. We are taught, constantly, that we are not enough. No pretty enough, no submissive enough, not smart enough, not good enough. Not skinny enough. Too damn skinny. Too fat. Too plump. Too tall, too short, too blonde, too dark, too pale. Too old.

I have female family members ranging in age from 6 months to over 80 years, and apart from the 6 month old, they all criticise their bodies. They've been taught to, and I would like to drop-kick society out of a window when I hear my mom say her thighs are too big. It makes me want to cry, because my mom is beautiful, but she doesn't realise it.

Teach your daughter to like herself, all of herself. Don't buy into the myth that she isn't enough. And teach her to tell anyone who has issues with her body that they don't deserve her time or company. Most of all, teach her that she is enough.